Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
