you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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