So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
