just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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