Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
