I just pynch a tree in the face
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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