need another drink. this is the easiest way
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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