we have pet lesbian snakes
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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