i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize