I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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