You're completely useless in the revolution.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
