She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
