he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
