Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
