just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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