if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
