I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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