I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
