And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
