I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
