She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
