So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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