I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
