I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
