Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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