Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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