shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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