Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
