Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Even my vagina gasped.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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