I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
