I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
