don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
BRING THE BAGELS
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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