They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
