is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
