i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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