proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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