The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize