found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
