so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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