don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
