A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
