I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
