Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
