Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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