we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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