Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
