Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
