She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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