These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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