I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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