Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
