walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
