I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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