Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
