So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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