just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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