Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
