I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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