Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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