we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
