Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
