well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
