I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
